There is a lot going on with us at the moment, not primarily with us but there are happenings in the family, both sides, that are bringing us both down.
It's not very often I talk about my relationship with my other half, father of my children and the man I am completely in love with, and I think it mainly has to do with the fact that we are usually so compatible we rarely fight about things, we disagree on a lot of things but never fight, we have similar principals and we want the same things out of life.
With all that is going on at the moment, I won't be sharing the details, they aren't my stories to tell, we have had a lot of pressure put on us as a couple, added pressure on top of a new born baby and a toddler and it is weighing us down somewhat. I say us but I think I mean me more so than him, he copes very well with stressful situations, he's the type of person that holds it all together, he holds me together when I feel like I might fall apart and somehow he manages to carry on as normally as is possible, this I am grateful for, he keeps a constant for the boys that I might not be able to if he wasn't such a strong person. I am feeling it though, a toddler who is still too young to understand much of anything and an on demand breastfeeding baby was hard work enough for me before all of what happened happened, now my exhaustion is added to by the constant whirling of my head trying to think up answers to extremely difficult questions being asked of us from family. Sometimes it just all gets on top of me and after a day alone with the boys, meeting all their needs and trying to meet mine at the same time I am emotionally exhausted and he is the only person I have to vent all my feelings too, there is a lot of them! And I know that I can end up taking it out on him, he
needs deserves his down time as much as I need mine, I just need to try and let it go over my head instead of holding onto all this stress and anxiety before it gets too much and bubbles over.
Even when we have had our silly arguments we can't ever manage to stay mad at each other for long, within an hour we have calmed down and are talking again as if nothing happened, we can't hold grudges and keep our angry faces on when our first born is doing "Gangnam Style" in the middle of the room!
I think the key to all this is remembering that it's not forever, I won't be breastfeeding forever, the boys will, eventually, both sleep through the night, we will one day own our own home and all this other stuff along with the exhaustion and stress will pass, and in the long run I know it will have made us stronger. Whenever I feel like I'm going under and close to drowning, I have my very own flotation device in him! He always comes through for me and we are completely committed to each other, I don't think there is a bigger commitment to someone than having children with them, you are tied to them forever whether you like it or not! And I like it, I really like it, I love him.